Sunday, July 28, 2013

Sex on the first date: Do you smash, or pass?

Source: Tumblr

I would like to know who made up the "rule" that women aren't supposed to or shouldn't want to have sex on the first date. Who had us spend years trying to get this paradigm down to the point where it's believable that if we have sex with someone whom we are sexually attracted to AND they, too, also feel sexually attracted to us, and that we both have agreed to sexual advances on our first date, that we are "impure" or "soiled" or have no self worth? Because, congratulations, you're a god damn great con artist and you've got us all to conform, yay! *sarcasm*

You all should know me by now; I don't do double standards. I'm not going to let anyone else's thoughts or opinions of me stand in the way of a potential relationship. I do understand *logistical reasonings* (see below) as to why you shouldn't have sex on the first date, but imaginary rules and standards that people make up as to why you shouldn't, yeah got to go.

1.) I think that the whole "mysterious Virgin Mary goddess of purity and lightheartedness" fantasy that men equate with value has to stop. That's one crazy ass formulaic criteria that they want women to meet ; like for Christ's sake, are you really worried that if she does it with everybody, she's of no good "value" to you? (And if you're a vegetable in bed, they're even more pissed at you. How can you want my vagina to be untouched AND do the tricks and splits if I'm not allowed to---forget it. I digress...) Let me tell you something--If your mother and/or your little sister are the world's most precious gems in your eyes and you think that no one should ever treat them like crap, then you should have some manners and have that same mindset for your date. Please, act like a grown up for once in your damn lives. We are not toys that lose value overtime, we're human beings who have needs and seek pleasure just like you. So just like you, we are making a personal choice for our lives as we see, is right. (I would really like to hear from the men about this.)

2.) And for the people who thinks that waiting is the only way to go-- I'm not forcing you to suck a cock and get your fuck on the first night, in fact, continue to do you if waiting it out is how you really measure your self worthiness. I'm only saying that if your option to wait a month is valid, why can't my option to sleep with my date sooner be valid as well? People do do these kind of things to see if not only their date can make a connection mentally and emotionally, but sexually as well. Because, well...eventually, you and your long term partner are going to have sex. What if you prolonged having sex only to discover that there is no sexual chemistry? Or your partner just counted down the days until he gets to have sex with you and leave? Talk about wasted time AND getting disrespected.

I don’t think there is any set time that you have to wait. There is no definitive amount of time when it suddenly it goes from being not okay to have sex to okay to have sex. You should have sex whenever you feel like you’re both ready for it, whether it be after two margaritas or a whole year. More importantly, is the follow up after a date, sex or not; be very clear with your intentions and expectations. If you and your date were feeling the connection, sex or not, why not take it to the 2nd date? If you only enjoyed the sex, but not your time, just be honest. Same goes for a date without sex. Honesty is the best policy. 

Please, get enraged in my comment box. I want to hear thoughts/experiences from everyone.

*Be cautious and safe. This may sound redundant to some of my readers, but I still think it's important to send out the positive message to always have safe sex. Don't brush off or ignore using any source of protection, ESPECIALLY if your partner has contracted a STD. You can be sexually liberated and still remain modest and cautious. Just be safe.*

*Updated 10-21-13. I found a video from my favorite YouTube channel "Black And Sexy TV" on the male's perspective of having sex on the first date. Fellas, do you agree?


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